Mum: "Jia, here's your letter!!"
Me:"Oh..." *rips open letter..reads content...felt heady...read again*
Me: "...right..." *mixed emotions welling up*
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I've been talking about going overseas to further my studies since I don't know when. A long time ago I suppose.

Perhaps this may sound ridiculous and irresponsible to some of you, but I have never truly felt the "realness"of that thought. The thought of leaving. Of living alone. Of being in another country for five years. Till the letter of acceptance is right here in my hands. Till now.

Maybe I'm afraid of throwing myself in a strange place. Maybe I'm trying not to think of the responsibilities of living by myself. Maybe I just can't bear the thought of leaving this extra comfortable and safe environment. Maybe I just didn't give a damn.

Some say I'm daring. Am I really?

Suddenly, I'm starting to feel anxious. Nervous. Worried. What am I supposed to do? There are so so many things to take care of. Shit.

I believe most of you know that I love to be left alone. To spend time with me, myself and I. But that's because I am comforted by the fact that my friends and family are here with me in Singapore. And that I can still hang out with them whenever I want. If I make an effort to, that is. What will it be like to know that I am ALONE? As in REALLY alone. It's been quite some time since I last made new good friends too. Think I've forgotten how.

It's gonna be kinda scary, eh?

What now? Now what?

Uncertainties. Loads of 'em.

I REALLY AM GG TO AUSTRALIA NEXT YEAR. I have to type this out. For some reasons, it's kind of hard to register this in my head.

And damn it if this doesn't sound like the XJ that you guys know. With all honesty, I am going to miss all of you.

Call me childish or act-cool/act-macho for all I care. I may seem all eager and keen to start this journey alone but I'm actually secretly wishing for company. Safety in numbers? ^Laughs weakly^

So...anyone of you going Australia?

12:36 am